Al Davis’ Shocking Oakland Raiders Press Conference Transcript (Satire)

Press Conference began at 1:35PM PST

Al Davis:  "I have asked you here today so that you can be the first to hear it from me and convey this information through the appropriate channels. 

Over the past 40 years I have held this team to high standards and my only goal in life was to create a winning atmosphere that was comprised of a team of men that were as dedicated to it as I was.  Unfortunately I seldom found that but when I did the results were magical. 

I have seen the world, people and this sport go through change but have stuck to my way of doing things for one reason, it's my team.  I have not ever felt the need to explain my actions or to ask for help as I am completely knowledgeable of the game and what it takes to win.